You try to be the best possible friend and you try to care for others constantly before yourself. You expect the same consideration from others but you don't always get it. This year has been one of many trials. The hardest thing to hear from someone very close to me was this: "you never go out of your way to do anything nice for anyone." I have spent too many nights holding on to this sentence and wondering if it is really true. I know I'm not a terrible person but do I really only focus on myself and not others? I always thought I put others' feelings and needs before my own. This is why it hurt so bad when I was "stabbed in the back". I would never treat a close friend the way I was treated this year and it hurt to know the other person clearly didn't feel the same way about me. Even when "it" happened I still thought "Your first priority is to be happy for them". I still feel that way and wouldn't want it to be any different. I know God has put these trials and certain people in my life to strengthen me. I only hope and pray that I come out the other side a better person. I want to let go of all the bitterness that has stored up and be free of my anger, sorrow, and tears.
Life and people are tough. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I think that just by being willing to process the comment and consider whether or not there is any truth in it, shows maturity. Sometimes when I've been hurt, I realize that I was in the wrong. Sometimes I find out that it really wasn't me, it was more of the other person's issue. That doesn't necessarily make it easier. It does free me to begin to stop obsessing about it and trust that I've done what I could. Again, not easy and it's hard to get past the hurt. I will be praying for you as you keep working through this.
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